How many decisions can we look back at and see where our feelings got the best of us? One of my favorite phrases to lean on is that “feelings make great check engine lights, but terrible GPSs”. Leading by our feelings is exhausting because our feelings are always changing. Your feelings also can often sacrifice the long-term goal when there is any kind of perceived threat. Take an incident of mine from a few weeks ago. I was at a church event for a small group that my husband and I lead. We were all at a park having a blast playing pickleball. (Weird flex, but I live in Naples, FL which happens to be the pickleball capital of the world!) A lady in the middle court got onto us about not going around and I FELT the petty in me rise up. I’m a grownup. I don’t like other grownups treating me like a child. I felt annoyed, slightly embarrassed, and was ready to offer lots of jokes about how she was taking this too seriously. However, I value being a light in this world and representing Jesus. I felt petty, but the actions I wanted to take according to that feeling did not align with my values. Feelings make a bad GPS. If I would have followed where my feeling wanted to take me, I could have seriously gone against what I value and regretted being unkind. Feelings do make a great check engine light. Why am I feeling so slighted and taking this so personally?? What is this feeling trying to tell me? Another conversation for another day. How do we stop leading with our feelings?

Enter Value-Based Leading

Proverbs 14:29: “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

Patient people respond rather than react. This patience comes from a previous decision of who they want to be. Think about it…when you value the dignity of your players, and they say something that goes against your culture in front of their peers, you will respond (hopefully) in a way that sets them back on course but allows them to save some embarrassment. 

One of my FAVORITE perks of value-based leading is the shift from being captive to your moods and the moods of your players. Because value-based leading isn’t just for the coach. It creates a way for the players to lead themselves and mature in their long-term thinking. 

At Armor Mental Performance, I hold my own set of values that guide my work and interactions. I believe athletes are whole people, which means I speak to them with the understanding that they are more than what they can offer on the field. This belief guides me to prioritize well-being because I know how vital it is to bring your whole, healthy self to the table. This is a predetermined decision that guides my actions regardless of the pressure level. 

Overcoming Obstacles to Living Out Your Values

Stephen Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” highlights the importance of being proactive. He writes, “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.” This calls us to take responsibility for our actions, regardless of external circumstances.

What kind of external circumstances might get in the way of you putting your values into action? For instance, if respect is one of your core values, what happens if someone is disrespectful to you? Will you flare up and fire back? Or can you respond in a way that extends grace and models control? External circumstances can influence you, but they do not have to control you. You are not a victim of your circumstances but a product of  your decisions my friend.

Team Values and Collective Commitment

Values are a significant part of who you are as a person, but what about as a team? Part of the culture is the fusion of personal values and team values. Where do they intersect, and where do they clash? I think it’s perfectly fine for an individual to value their own growth. But does the team also prioritize individual growth, or is the decision to put out the lineup with the best chance of winning more aligned with the team values?

 Many programs claim to value certain things, but these values are often unclear, unsupported, or even untrue. Daniel Coyle’s “The Culture Code” reveals that while CEOs thought at least 64% of their employees could name their top three values, only 2% actually could.

This discrepancy highlights the need for better communication and engagement with core values. Leaders must communicate these values effectively, and team members must actively engage with and live out these values daily. Collective creation of values can align actions and foster a strong team culture.

Consider the values of the University of North Carolina’s women’s soccer program:

1. We don’t whine.

2. The truly extraordinary do something every day.

3. We don’t freak out over ridiculous issues.

4. We choose to be positive.

5. We care about each other as teammates and as human beings.

6. We support the team even when we don’t play as much as we’d like.

7. We play for each other.

These values exemplify high character and commitment. As you lead your team, remember that living out these values is a lifelong journey. As the saying goes, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” 

The Importance of Consistent Values Conversations

Culture training is not a one-time activity. Just as you wouldn’t go to the gym, do 100 sit-ups, and expect to have a six-pack, you can’t expect lasting cultural strength from a single training session. Persistence is key to long-lasting results. Galatians 6:9 reminds us, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” You will see significant results when you make small, daily changes. 

Only training your sport’s technical skills leaves so much talent on the table. To truly unlock the potential of your athletes and team, mental performance training and a strong, positive team culture are essential. Part of the culture is the fusion of personal values and team values. Where do they intersect, and where do they clash? I think it’s perfectly fine for an individual to value their own growth. But does the team also prioritize individual growth, or is the decision to put out the lineup with the best chance of winning more aligned with the team values?

The problem with even that last question is that these conversations don’t always happen. There is no time allotted to think about what the team values, let alone ask themselves if they are acting in alignment with values instead of feelings. It is vital to take time to reflect on what is important to you as an individual and as a team. Knowing your core values can act as guardrails for our decisions.

Ask yourself (and your team) these questions:

1. What are five values that mean the most to you?

2. How will you model each value?

3. What can get in the way of modeling these values?

This Dallas Willard quote has shown up for me about DAILY, and it is applicable here too. He says that you truly believe something when you act like it’s true. Talking about values is fantastic, now take that further and model these values for those around you! 

Go here to and use the code BLOG to get my 8 Healthy Excellence Indicators Checklist for free! It’s a great tool to see where your program is and how you can continue to grow.